I think that I have realized that I can't connect to anyone. I have figured out that I have nothing in common with my friends tonight. I think that people don't know that I am actually dumber than I seem. I think I put up a good edifice of intelligence, but beyond that I think I'm not that smart. I think I truly hate everyone and myself. I can't connect to people different from me and I can't connect to people just like me because I hate people like me. I think I am a loner. I don't feel bad when I lose touch with people. I leave people behind. It's very condescending but I out grow people. I just get tired of them and want to move on. It's as if I stay in contact with these people that they are just making me stuck. I can't see how anyone would like me.(and this is not a cry for attention, asking people to tell me why I'm a valid person. It's just a realization/observation)
Oh and to quite my mind, I guess I did want people to read my blog that's why I put it on blogger when I could have easily just made it in word processors. But also I think I just like putting it up somewhere. Because even though no one is reading your blog you sorta feel like you are. It's like trying to talk to the universe.
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9 comments:
No, actually you are smart. That's obvious. And I'm pretty much the same way with people that you are. I used to think I hated everyone when I was your age, but I know that I generally like most people now. However, I don't get super connected to them for whatever reason.
I think I used to but I got hurt a lot and gradually I just put up a big wall...this is really pretty common for gay people, you know.
The moving on from people thing -- yeah I totally do that. I still like them, but I don't keep in touch at all! The good thing is that when I see them again, they always say how it's just like we picked up right where we left off -- that I make them feel really comfortable. So for that reason I don't feel guilt about my negligence.
Now, I also get accused of cutting people off a lot and I do that too. If someone crosses me, they're done. It's a big world and you'll never even have time to meet all the cool people that you would really like, so why waste precious time and energy with a loser just because you already know them? Snip snip. :)
The difference between you and the really nasty people is that they don't recognize/won't admit these things to themselves or others and they blame others for all of their interpersonal problems.
Start a ripple effect. Give yourself a good talking to in the mirror, where you aren't allowed to say anything bad. Instead you are to force yourself to acknowledge your good qualities.
Once you have found them, think about them often. Allow yourself to shine. This will send subliminal messages to all around you that you are amazing. They'll start to agree. :D
zach: So I'm only kinda nasty? I can live with that, I wouldn't want to be sweet all the time.
merch gwyar: Why, yes I am a pretty pony. THANKS! 8D
I love you.
SPAM
I just want luff ;S
pen: Heh thanks, that makes one of us.
Maybe try re-contacting someone you've "outgrown"? You'll often find that they're more than willing to talk too :)
~ wilt
wiltingplant: I'm unsure what you are advising me to do.
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