So lets get this cliche over with shall we? So I guess I should have known earlier that I was gay. It was so obvious. When I was in grade 2 I had a crush on this guy that sat next to me. I couldn't stop looking at him and his sexy sexy glasses. He gave me a little boy hardon. But this only lasted a day (the crush, not the erection) and I can't recall a thing after than. Also around 8 years of age my parents allowed us to watch rated R movies with them when they would rent them. There would be full frontal nudity of the women and then her and the guy would have sex. I just sat there wondering, "What the? How come they never ever show the guy's private parts?". As the hetero actors would screw, all I could look at was the guy.(What a big homosexual surprise huh?)
Then as I grew older, and time passed, everyone kept asking if there was someone I had a crush on. I truthfully said, I don't like any of the girls at our school. If only they knew that I wanted to screw some of the boys......and one of the student teachers :D Finally at the start of grade 8 I was standing around in my room (as you do) and just finally came out to myself! I first said it in my head, then I whispered it, "I am gay." I got a little concerned but not that much. I don't know why. As best as I can remember there have only been two times that I've cried about being gay, once was when my brothers said something about me running funny ( I didn't swing my arms enough for their liking) and then I went upstairs and cried like a little biach because they were challenging my athleticism/manhood/straightness? It's made sense at the time, and I was sobbing saying ,"Why me!?" over and over again. Pretty good right? The second time was when I came out to my Mommy around 17 ( the summer of grade 11) I came out to my bestest friend over the information highway on MSN. The gist of her response was, "Omg took you long enough!" The next person was my Mother who was, funnily enough, sitting in the same room as I was coming out to my friend oblivious. Talking to my friend gave me the courage to tell my mother. Well enough courage to tell her there was something I needed to tell her. But I made her guess, she went through a whole list of things like drugs and porn and then finally won the fifty thousand dollars asking "Are you gay?"(I corrected(lied to) her by saying I was Bisexual as to ease her into the idea of gayness) By this time I was crying my little homo eyes out on to her lap. I kept saying that I didn't want her to think of me different.
There was silence for a long time. Then I said what do you think? She said ," Maybe we should go to a psychologist so you can take a test and make sure." This instantly enraged me. I know right? That bitch! Then I went on a triad about how she wouldn't question if I said my favourite colour was red, or if how one of her friends said they were gay she wouldn't question it. And then to top this all off she said, "I still have to love you." Oh why thank you for doing me such a great favour! I promptly left the room grasping in my fist a newly formed grudge! I knew what she meant, her English is just crappy, but it still pissed me the fuck off. So then after a while I realized this and then kept talking to her about it. Finally she said, " I love you anyways" and all was better. (oh and I also said to her that if she was hoping for me to end up with a girl, she best not hold her breath) Now we don't bring it up really, it's just apart of life, she doesn't ask my brothers about their love lives so she doesn't ask about mine. Oh and my three brothers already new, something about internet history and gay porn, I really don't remember any of it...........I swear..... it was probably someone else..........I would never.......don't look at me like that.......... ANYWAYS it was like an open secret at that point (age18) so then I just became more and more vocal about gay things, so they all got the hint and now it's all out in the open.
I have yet to bring a boy home, that'll really test them. But first I must get one then I can start scheming.
2 comments:
Going to the psychologist to take a test is funny! You can't blame her though, can you? I'm sure when you were telling her you didn't seem too thrilled about it yourself.
zach: In hind sight I should have said yes , because then the psychologist would tell her that I'm gay and it's normal and that she needs to accept it or it'll cause me emotional harm. And then she would have "proof". Actually she's told me that when she's gone to our general practitioner she told him and asked him about it and he told her it was normal. SHEESH!
Post a Comment