Potpourri

So Friday was my skittish return to the gym. I am terrified to go back, all the stares and whispers. "Hey isn't that the guy who...." "Who does he think he......." "Where the fuck does he get off com.....". I change my clothes in the queer centre because there is no one there on Fridays and I have the door code and also because every time I use the changing room it seems like the basket ball team just finishes their practice and comes and makes me lose.

I lose a lot. I lose every time I stand next to someone (mostly guys) that are taller and have a better body than I do. And I especially lose a lot at school because apparently my school is just inhabited by giants. So at the gym I jump on the bicycle and go for 30 mins on 15 and get really sweaty. Then I go down a level and do chest with free weights. I just an inclined seat bench thing where someone has littered their weights. I wait there for what seems like 5 mins and use them. The a guy comes along and looks at me funny in the mirror. Then he says, "Are you done yet, because I was using that." I say "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you brought this bench from home." and I get off it because the weights were huge and so were his muscles. And I just continue to use my 30lb weights on a flat bench. I finish off by doing lat pull downs and back row things. After the work out I realized I should have used the cable cross machine to do chest, so I could push out forward and then down to do the top and bottom of the pec. Next time. So then I'm done. I try and not to listen to the little Imp in my head telling me to work out everything, even though I really want to. I'm trying to exercise restraint and its all about restraint and discipline battling OCD. I get up a leave and eat a can of salmon adding to the other two cans of tuna I've eaten through out the day because I've forgotten to make lunch. I take these cans from the Queer Centre because they are just sitting there for the taking.

Later I go hook up with my lesbian friends and go to the mall where we talk around. We go into Winners. It's pretty funny. After they are done looking at the womens clothes I ask where the little boys section and wonder if anyone has left their child alone. They say that I'm not a little boy and that they won't help me abduct one so we go to the young men section. I get there and the clothes start to give me a panic attack. They are hideous and for fat people. The other men there are white trash. One has one of those pencil beard things that are suppose to help define the jaw line for he has none. We leave this store deciding we are too good for it and wander the mall. I notice that I can name all the models in the advertisements. It's is pretty sad. I shouldn't be able to but I am. I'm sick. From what I can remember we saw Coco Rocha, Anja Rubrix, Chanle Iman, Brad Kroenig, Noah Mills, Nicolas Lemons, Miro, Alessandra Ambrosio, and my favourite Evandro Soladti. Club Monaco where they have Evandro in the campaigns I see a framed head shot of him. I ask the sales person what they do with them after there done with them and I offer to buy it. They ask me to leave. So we leave.
Then in the middle of the mall we see a display on Africa. We inspect it. It's like a maze where you walk through it while listening to an Ipod Shuffle which tells you the story of the life of an African child. Mine was Stephen. They talk about how he was forced into a children's army. Surprisingly there was a little girl that had to be about 8 years old with her parents, clearly this child is not equipped to handle all the killing and aids that she will find here but who am I to judge. We finally get out of the maze and we receive a bracelet. I feel a little guilty about this because I'm not as affected as I wish I was. I know all these things already. It doesn't mean it's not still horrible but I was not phased. Me and my friends chat up the volunteers, one of whom hits on my friend (lets call her Mila and the other one Crystal) really hard, I guess she didn't come off as a lesbian. We leave and promptly enter Jacob Jr. "Wow those poor Afric.. LOOK at that top isn't it faboulous?". Me and my friends decide we are bad people.

As we walk around we talk about what child we got. My friend said the girl she got was raped twice and had a baby and got aids. I said, "Only twice?". Mila got angry with me she thought I should be making fun, but I wasn't I was just surprised that it was only twice, I thought it would have been like a hundred times. And then Crystal says hers got aids and was angry that the one I got didn't get aids. I said that that's because I'm pure. I say, "Mine had to chop people up with machetes and roast the pieces being in the children army." Mila gets angry at me and the conversation goes like this:

"(My name) don't. Just don't" as if I was making it up.
"But it's what it said"
"Yeah that's what happened" Crystal confirms laughing that Mila scolded me for telling the truth.
"Oh I thought you were just being a jerk" Mila responds

What you have to understand is that I say very inappropriate things...... a lot.

Today I wake up and I feel pretty good. I finish eating the Scharffen Berger 82% cacao chocolate bar that I bought for $5.00. I'm happy that I notice I am sore in the chest and lats. Hmm maybe you don't really have to work out everything everyday. Maybe only going from 30min - an hour at the gym really is enough. What I used to do was stay for hours. I'd work out everything and then do at least an hour of cardio. I am also thinking of rejoining my Ulitmate Frisbee team so that I can get some extra cardio in when I'm not as school MWF. And plus playing real sports is way better than using a bike, treadmill, or stair climber at the gym. When you are playing sports you always have to be pushing yourself.

I've just tried an egg white facial mask. You just take a little bit of egg white and whip it up into a froth and put on your face to dry. But you're suppose to only do it once a week. I saw this online on many sites so that's why I'm trying it. I also watched a tv show saying that making your own facial products is better than buying them because a) it's cheaper b) you know the ingredients are fresh. The egg white facial works well, I think, I think my skin feels softer and pores are smaller. You are only suppose to do this once a week or your skin will get used to it and it won't work anymore. I think later in the evening I'm going to try a sugar scrub, it's a mixture of vegetable glycerin and white sugar. I think it'll be pretty good.