I Want To Be Wanted

Do you ever feel like you like someone more than they like you? You have a friend that you seem to like more than they like you? Not that they don't like you at all but just not as much as you like them. You don't think they think about you at all and that the only time you enter their consciousness is when you contact them. I feel this way about my friend. It's just the way she is I guess. She is just self sufficient. She'll be happy with or with out you. In a lot of ways I like this about her because you never feel like she's needy. Or when you have her over that you need to entertain her or she will resent coming over because it's boring. Or that if you haven't called her in 3 weeks, she doesn't think you don't like her or are neglecting her. There is less pressure I guess to maintain the friendship in constant contact.

But It also goes both ways. I like that she is not high maintenance but also that sorta doesn't work for me either because I think I am high maintenance. I don't know. I don't think I want to have it both ways. Or that somehow I want it so that I can neglect her but still have her chase after me all the time. I think I want it to be pretty much the same but just that sometimes she would call me sometimes but that is unrealistic of me to think because she doesn't call anyone. I guess this is just my problem and not hers. I guess I just want to be wanted but not in an overwhelming way that it breeds obligation of me. I guess that is really a lot to ask for but I guess you always have to aim high to get as close as you can.

Addition:
Saying all of this maybe it's not that I need her (or any of my friends) to give me this. Maybe I need to find someone else to give me this. A romantic partner. Maybe I don't just want to be wanted. Maybe I just want to be loved. Maybe I want to love someone and have them love me. That we are equally enthralled with each other that we want to be together all the time. I think I need the intimacy and the human contact. I want someone who wants to touch me and kiss me and hold me because they want to. Because they want to be as close to me as possible literally and figuratively. But finding a boyfriend is harder for me than you think. I also think that being I guess emotionally unstable at this point it wouldn't be wise to enter into a relationship like that. That I have to deal with my own insecurities before I get into something heavy like that. That I can't look for someone else to complete me but that I have to be complete and for me to love myself before I can love someone else. But even so, a lot of people don't like themselves totally and completely ever in their lives and they are in relationships. Maybe I just need the human contact, just the feeling of intimacy with out the obligations. What I am saying is I need a good fucking. I think I just need someone to come up to me and push me up against the wall and just say, "I want you!" and kiss me and press against my body pulling at my clothes. In just a very base level lizard brain kinda way. Oddly all the guys who do seem interested in me seem to be white. And most of them are skinny white boys. Why is this?! Oh I remember, maybe it's cause I basically have no gay male friends. And definitely no male gay Asian friends to introduce me to any. Or any other race that is. I basically have two gay male friends. Maybe I should give Manhunt a try? I need a fuck buddy I guess. Oh and also to know not to kiss and tell. The first guy I slept with I ran around saying it was horrible and what ever and that he was a pedophile cause I was 19 and he was 28 and worked as a youth worker. And I kept saying, "The only person who got lucky that night was him!". HA I know I am too great. But yeah I guess I could have kept him as a fuck buddy but I've burned that poor little bridge a long time ago and have learned my lesson. Anyways what did he expect when sleeping with a 19 year old?

So if you are a really hot guy please send me a message. And if you also happen to be Evandro Soldati that would be a major plus. Screw it if you are Evandro Soldati I am yours, just say the word and I will hop on a plain, train, car, camel, Sherpa, or boat; anything to get to where you are.

You Will Not Break Me Down

NO NOT YET!!

NO!!

I WON'T!

I WON'T give up on life!

I am not going to give up yet!

I'm not going to go out like this!

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!

I can do it!

I CAN DO IT!

JUST FUCKING WATCH ME!

3 times!!!

Three is the number of times I cringed/gagged when reading the latest comment left by my dear Tim Of Italy. YES, yes I know there are other offenders of overly complimenting (in my opinion) London Preppy but for whatever reason (probably because he's old) Tim's comments seem to stick out the most. Maybe I will later skewer others as well. So here I will allow you to read the original comment first. Then I will have the comment again but with the grammar corrected (I usually don't care about grammar. Mine is usually crap but since Tim was trying so hard it felt like I needed to point it out.) and annotations.

[Note: Tim please don't send me a pipe bomb!!!]

Original

Hide under your desk if you want, you can't seem to stop your light and humor falling across the lives of others. You'll appreciate it in time. I agree that you have made the right decision, albeit probably terrifying now. The quote about others being jealous is absolutely spot on, you know. You've freed your self and are now marching to your own drummer. And that's quite an awesome achievement.

Annotated/Edited in green

Hide under your desk if you want. You can't seem to stop your light and humor from falling upon the lives of others.(First time I throw up.) You'll appreciate it in time. I agree that you have made the right decision, albeit probably a terrifying one now. The quote about others being jealous is absolutely spot on_you know. You've freed your self and are now marching to your own drummer.(Second time I throw up.) And that's quite an awesome achievement.(I didn't think there was anything left in me to throw up but I still did. I dry heaved until green bile came up.)

Hmmm I think I need to learn how to make LJ jump cuts on stupid blogger!

Me Incarnate

I think that if the idea of me were to be represented by a something I would say that it would be by two sea dragons made of mud and sand. Hmm I feel like I should draw this. I think I'll do that and then post it here.

Requiem For A Dream....And Then Some!

a retarded roseie ohh donnald, 1234 you are a good person you have a good heart as i hlep her pack her car she is movieng away
do you know where you are going? do you have a map?
no I don't, smart car, genre on the florr, we are in NYC
i get in with her and tell here i will help her plan the trip atleast
we drive around for a while, she freaks out and i am telling her what to do,
I am driving next and she tells me not to turn the wheel so much because as not to show off.
go up some ramp in an alley to a safeway and it's ery steep and then she tells me to takke it very slow going up it.and that toehr driers wll think "oh look at them they know how to drive but are not showing offf"


the main character from the ovenant is there and he has about 3 guys with him, and they all have powers but not like in the movie more like mutants specific powers. and then they decide to pick on one kid who looks like the guy who played angel in xman three, and the deside to play with him. not sure if they know for don't know he has freezing powers but e does. cut to a bar with multiple levers accessible by height. and we look at a private kinda booth and there are the main charaters int here and the lead is getting a blow job from the new recruit and he cums in his mouth. Pan out and you see that the whole club has turned into a sex bonanza but oddly... there are no women.... he he he. I like how there is like one woman in my dream and she is a retarded lesbian fatty. Hmmm i wonder if that means anything lols. and then lead gets out of the hottub shaped booth and then exits the club, and you see all around once straight guys writhing all over each other. and still in the booth you see the other characters fucking and sucking. The lead or another character used their powers on the club to make everyone start to orgy. the lead while stepping out says something like "ok thst is enough" or somthing like that. and then steps out and steps back in. onece he's stped back in he sees that all the guys are stunned and don't know why some are half naked and flys open and are ontop of each others or just had their buddy's dick in their mouth or they they were just kissing. The lead says " ok tonight i am the rat" as in gym rat and then he goes around inspecting the bodies of guys dolling out crits on their body and telling them to do more crunches or more push ups. And all the guys are so shocked and stunned at what they were just doing that they all rather agree to this ridiculous premiss to explain why they are half naked and to ignor that they were just doing to each other. Lead walkks and talks and makes it way back up to the booth and he sits on a wallbench with fire and in the fore ground you see ice (the new one to the group) slumped over the booth towards the camera/viewer/me and lead sits down and smiles at fire and bask in the after glow of what they have just done all smug. and then some fire starts to form on his arm and he brushes it off, ( i think my mind just mixed things up and it shold have been ice) and then blue ice shoots out of ice and fire is frozen but then quickly uses fire to melt it and then fire tries to fire ice and then ice is unconciously fighitng back and his ice blocks it and then his powers start to shoot both lead and fire freezing them fire trys to melt it off him and lead but they just both get pwned and are in big blocks of ice.

after they are in a convertable by my house a seafoa colour one reall old style and then fire is pissed at people i think and then he touches ice and there is a green glow and it transfers from fire to ice and ice stands up gets out of the car and shoots him self. and then fire grabs lead and he feels the green glow on him but he quickly grabs the other guy in the car and presses his head to him to keep the glow flowing from him to the other guy, he regretfully does this but he doesn't want to die. can you blame him? And the poor suck just uses his powers on himself and goes poof. lead steps away as to not get grabbed again and fire drives away.

there is apart wehre we are in a casionio an tere are cirular sofas and i am robert deneror and there i sa movie that he stars in but doesn't know what is going to happen or he doesn't know hes in it and that's why his performance is so great. also soemthing about walking down stairs and having harison ford there and then something like is harison for shorter in person and the answer is yes. and also there is osemthing where harison ford ia requested to talk to the public through a hed set and soething an there are girls but where he talks through this thing it's delayed andthe girl slash me desides that i will only talk through the head set and not listend through it and harison will patch his voice through the loud speakers and i will just listen with my ears not the hear phones/ in the casion roert like is awkward some people try to greeat him but like he just likes to walk in a circle and then feels emarrassed and runs away and then jump flips onto a scircle sofa. and then there is someoen else in the sofa, i tink my bro or somthing but some body i know and at this ont i am me an dten a wairter comes by and stars to spin tese botles onto the rubbers waters circle sofa whic is pink and fuz and then theres botles are blue and nubly and i sa they ressemble te aquatic centere in my head but i donnt' say ti out loud because this is some how in the past like o five and ten the witer some how knows what i thought and then says it and then i dondno splahes a botle of oranges crush on himself andn then like runs wor sotmhign and i kill him maybe and he says this is all aaprt of the chines plan to something or other and then he implied tat the chinese werw albel to change time and something like go back and forth in time and influence events. And then roberts or harrison walk me bak to the hq and there is a vault there and we put soemthing inside but i think i want to keep that thing for myself. or steele someting ot the the vault because the fault i s filled iwht many articats with magic powers. the doors are seal wth two handles that ou hae to turn to the pright place and they will open. A woman at the HQ who seems to be leaving in a hurry in a gown sorta like cinderellas gives me the pass word to get into the vault and smiles like we are friends and dashes away to her yello cab. She's written it in silver pen onto an old envelope and hands it to me and there is some guy who trys to see what it is and i milke fuck off and he keeps trying to see it so tear off the bit that has the code on ti and fold it up and put it in my enderewar for safe keeping. I never actually enter the vault in my dream, to bad cause it is fwicked. Filled with so many cool magic relics and amulets and objects!!!/I think i just came thinking about it.


somting about a character begin from cali and that peopel were disappointed that he wasn't from cally and thatn there is some movies aobu xmen and it takes place in new york and there is a sceen where storm makes soemthing hit an air craaaat carriers and then she says that ti doesn't matter how many people die when something something about being persecuted or seomthing about that. and that the cali person had like freeze powers so this character was iveman or something and then he should have vlonde hair and be from cali but they change it and also there was a previous sceene where they show him but with a different actor playing him and he has blond hair so people are confused.


Then there is a part where im in some kinda of competiton of sorts and when you lose you just die. and then you have to keep going up higher and highher ina a tower and move up the levers and then there are toher players and you can help each other or fight eacah oether but only one can win. and at some point nenar the top all the floors turn flacid and flop around in the wind like paper. and everyone starts to fall. i grab ontp a ledge and so does a guy and a girl and the guy doesn't want to let go of his necklave in his hand or somemthing and is trying to hold on and stuff but he is also infront of a hatch we can go inside and not just be hanging of the side of a building. so then I grab his neckalae so he can open the hatch and i put his necklace in my moutha laong with my shiney green and blue necklace and the girl is between us. and then he tries to open the hatch but he is a dumb ass and can't open it and heis hands get tired and falls. I could have saved with with like my strechy arms but decided not to, cause now i have his gold necklace and i am sure i acan open the hatch and thenn the girl falls too and im like omg you guys just suck and i try to open the hatch and i keep trying and stuff and then i stand more upright to give my arms a rest like any smart person would do and then there is a call over the loud speaker that the game is over and then we have to evacuate and then a hellicopter comes and picks me up and there are the other remaining contestants in tehre
and it's like the chopper in black hawk down and then i am sorta stick half way out and we can see the city we were in is under attack and then we see guns and things shooting and some starts to shoot at us a bit and i can remember too much if we crash or not. but it sorta looks like we are in afganistan and we are int he movie black hawk down....

And then there is a part where i am a owner of a shop and i live on amountain and i have a wife and kids and then the shop calls me and ihave to go down the mountain with my family cause they can't be alone there and then we go in a really fast car and when i get down there the guy at the shop tells me hes' called me down cause he wants to know what i think about the flamingo display and ten i get angry with him and say that he knows i livev on a mountain and that he shouldn 't call me down for stupid shit like this and that i look at his name tag t see what it is so i can fire later. and then . as i walk away he throws a super shape card at my head ans takes off my hat and said that this is the real reason he wansts to see me and then i was like who ok. And then he says he can only do it with cards and i have powers that magically cut things but i dont' have to touch the or throw things i just kinda wave my arms. and then it turns into some weird kinda chase through the country side and we end up in this garden and he is there and he wants to fight me and then he keeps throwing cards at me but i just cut them up and at the same time i cut his face too and then I think ok just keep pressing A button alot and you will be ok! and then i think to myself he will run out of cards sooner or later and then he will be powerless and then all this tie we sorta circle a bush and then the poor bush gets desimated. And then i do my final strike and i jump and lung at him smashing the a button and then ti fades to black.




and then final chapter is jthat there is some asian mom and she ahas a kid and then the kid is retarded and then he seems to liek me alot and then when he invites me to go see a britney concert i just say yes and then when we get there i don't have amy ticket and then i go to find him and then i see he has fallen down the middle hole part of a square shaped stairwell and then i just down after him and in and at the bottom i find that there is a bad guy who can multiple and then all the multiples are running around and hitting me and i have to evade them and stuff and then they all look the same and i havev to kill the real one but they all can still hit me and then the way you can tell which is the real one is that it is really fat and then al teh copys are yellow they are all clow ggirls running around. ad then i see the fat one and i do a donkey kick and kickc it in the chest and the all the copies disappear and then i win. and then there is also some thing where i am in my bros room and then my older bro says mean things aobut the kid and then the kids are in my room and then they hear it and then he comes into the room to take his clothes away as if to move out and then the mean bro says oh you dont' ahve to go and then i khelp the kid pack and then there is a weird part where the kid describes the evolution of the home and how there were dirt floor s and small houses but now therea res bigger and have carpet and this is all showen visually in a weird kinds crappyily done 3d model and then in the modern house tere is a pohont that only has one to six on it and have weird old timly buttons like in 1940's scifi movies and then he talks about what a phone does.

side note clay aiken is a huge homo and finally let his rainbow out of his closet.

Dream

bike to school
hayley and nother girl
i see the sky train
i go there
i go up the escalator but i forget to buy a ticket
i go back down cause my friends tell me
but it's too late and the alarm goes off and 5 police peopel comme out
they poinnt their guns at me i especially remeber thet woman pointing it at me
and tell me to put my hands behind my ears and then they take a picture of me
and we get onto the sky train and they are taking me somewhere but slung around my shoulder is a M14 colt and they didn't even bothher to check that but only really cared about if i bough my tranist ticket or not
and then i point my gun at the femal officer and tell them this" you guys are retarded, you care so much about my tranist fare you didn't even check if my ASSULT rifle is working or if it had any bullets in it, and then i point it at her some mroe and i wake up .

hehehehh i am drunk, don't tell anyone, it's a secret hehehhe

No Blacks, No Asians, No Indians, No Fatties, No Shorties, No Fems, No Fags, No Jews, No Muslims. Looking Only For VGL SAG Tall White Guys.

How do you feel about the title of this post? Do you feel completely at ease with it because you've seen it over and over again. Maybe not as offensive as this but pretty close.

You'd think that as a minority that we would strive to be inclusive as possible because we already know what prejudice feels like. Some say that someone's preference of the race of their romantic partners is unchangeable. Just like how you know you are gay and don't like women. Therefore it is not racism; it's just how they are wired. Yes granted attraction by definition is indeed discriminatory. Most people are not able to be attracted to everyone and anyone. I am not only saying this as a gay Asian male, or GAM (shudder, clearly just turn me into an acronym so you can dehumanize me making it easier to dismiss me and discriminate against me. Why don't you just say no faggy chinks or how about one better; just call me an insurgent?) but as someone (shamefully and regretfully) who used to have these prejudices( A LONG LONG TIME AGO).

I once thought that I was only attracted to white men and that everyone else was excluded. Then one day I wondered why I thought this way. Especially against my own race? If that isn't self hate I don't know what is. Eventually I continued to mull it about in my mind and the more I thought about it the more ashamed I felt. I grew up always thinking that I had no prejudices and that I was open minded but clearly I wasn't and I am still not free of all prejudices. It is just human nature to try and expect what is to come next. I can't think of any prejudices that I have but I am sure that there must be something and to combat this I always question why I think or feel the way I do about everything. That's the best I can do. I think I used to think this way because I grew up in Canada and all the TV is American and hetero-normative and Caucasian centric. So I was used to what media told me what was beutiful ie straight white males. Basically I was white-washed.

Also I consider the fetishization of certain races at racist in some ways. One guy told me he was an Egg; meaning that he maybe be white on the outside he was yellow on the inside (THROWING UP). And that he had yellow fever. It's just objectifying a whole people when you talk about them that way.

So what's the point of this post. Well I don't want to sit here and tell people they MUST become attracted to Black people or Asian people or Fat people or Trans people or who ever; because attraction is very personal thing. I have no right to sit here and tell you that you are racist and that you are wrong for liking who you like. All that I ask is that if you exclude any group outright for any reason that you at least question why you feel that way and just to think about it and maybe going from "I don't date blanks." to "Let me meet them and I'll tell you if I like them.".

Nothing is Free

Nothing in the Universe is free. Not anything. Not even love. Everything has a price because you have to spend time to get anything; and your time is the most valuable thing you have.

MR. STYLE

Also if you haven't already gone to Where the Lights End or Kraut Boys you should they are written by a great guy who comments who goes by the name of Mr. Style. You should really check his blogs out, he has a great eye, I think he's going places.

Look Book

So an acquaintance has told me there is a website called Lookbook where you can post pictures of your outfits and then have people vote for them. So like hot-or-not but with clothes. I instantly wanted to join. It sounded like fun, I mean who doesn't get humiliated enough, everyone needs to get that extra from random people around the world right?

So I checked this website out and indeed the people do dress well. But what perturbed me was that a lot of them were very young. More than a lot, more like most of them around 15-17 years old and mostly from Copenhagen, Denmark, Paris, London and surrounding countries. All very Netherlandy. Wow kids over there know how to dress. They are so dope, and also some seem to have quite a bit of money to spend on expensive brands like prada and dolce. But that is only a few of them.

The most surprising person I found on there was Jennifer M. a (supposed 10 year old girl who is from Venezuela but now lives in Florida. And let me tell you she has more style than most people and she is FUCKING 10 FUCKING years old! Take a look for yourself. She has some mad skills. But I suspect that her parents are arty or have something to do with clothes so then she's picked it up from them some.

Oh I also found Sasha Hilton's profile there too. He's a 17 year old kid from Paris who has a blog ,that I've neglected to put up in my blog roll, that has all of this photography of beutiful things and some of those being himself in his great outfits. If you haven't been to his blog yet you should. A link to it should be up after I post this.

So then I see all these wonderful things and arty people and want to join. BRICK WALL! I should have known. Just like The Fashion Spot, this is an invite only website. How typical of the fashion world to be so exclusionary and elitist. But unlike TFS you have a chance to gain entrance by applying to them. Presumably to tell them why you think you are a good dresser, how you are involved with fashion/art, and to show them examples of arty/fashiony things you've done.

I think maybe I'll try to apply to them but it's really icky thinking about doing that. It's like I have to grovel to be apart of their club. Fuck that noise. But still I understand why they did that. They didn't just want any jackass joining and posting up their crappy outfits and cluttering up the site. Also they moderate all the photos so then if it was wide open it would be hard to sift through all of them.

sidenote: the creators are from San Fransisco, so why are all the members from European countries?

Medicinal Potpourri

So yesterday I go to the Doctor and she gives me my refill prescription. She asked if I was going to see the Psychiatrist again. I said no because I am not going to take classes this term and the Psychiatrist strongly communicated that she'd rather I find someone else outside of school to seek treatment from. The Psychologist also said the same thing. So the GP look disturbed by this information and said that she was going to have a talk with them because in previous appointments the multiple doctors I've seen have said that if I was planning to come back to school next semester that they would bridge the treatment. Clearly they all have a different interpretation of what "bridge" means.

Also as she is writing up my prescription I ask her if I can still donate blood while on SSRI's and she said for sure. Not that I should be donating blood because in Canada they don't accept gay men's blood, something about trying to protect the public from catching the gay. Then I ask her what they do when they harvest your organs when you are an organ donor. That if they have to make a decision where there is a very slim chance that the patient will pull through and harvesting the organs quickly as to get them on ice as soon as possible. She said that 3 doctors have to examine the patient and then they all have to agree that there is no chance that the patient will live. "They make sure that you are quite dead before they do anything." she cheerfully chirped. She then asked me if I was thinking of hurting myself as if I was panning to kill myself and then donate my organs at the same time. I said no and that I was just asking because Canadian Blood Services sent me a letter asking if I wanted to be one.

When I look at the prescription to see the amount she gave me I couldn't see any discernible number only something that looked like "pood" and I thought maybe it was just a badly draw numbers or some kind of lingo that they use to denote one month. When I go to London Drugs to fill out my prescription I ask the guy, "That's for a months worth right?" and he said, "Hmmm there doesn't seems to be a written amount here." *smack* Silly GP was distracted by my organ donor inquiry that she didn't write down the number of pills to give moi. I should have just written on the damn thing myself and put like 600. The guy asked me if I had anymore and I said no so then he just gave me a days worth and I'll have to come back tomorrow after they have called my GP to confirm.

edit: I did get my meds and I am happy for it because when I ran out for two days it was like the air suddenly turned viscous and i was super tired and nervous.

It is now morning and things don't seem so bad in the light of day.


edit: The last few post where I am all frazzled and confused and depressed is what was going through my head at the time. Live blogging or Stream of Consciousness blogging. I would never kill my self. There are so many things I still want to do. :)

Why doesn't anything make sense anymore.

Why don't I make sense anymore.

I don't know who this person I've become is.

Why can't I BE NORMAL.

Why does it have to be so hard.

As I look at all 209 photos of Matt Loewen all of the smiling faces seem to be laughing at me.

I think I've totally lost it now. I've gone too far. I am too far gone.

Why doesn't anything make sense anymore.

Why don't I make sense anymore.

I don't know who this person I've become is.

Why can't I BE NORMAL.

Why does it have to be so hard.

I miss my Dad.

Maybe I should go join him.

Why does it feel so cold when it's dark.

Why do I feel so cold.

Why can't I feel anything. WHY CAN"T I FEEL ANYTHING!

This is not right, I am not okay. I am not fine. I am not FINE.

God looking through all the pictures of Matt Loewen on Facebook has made me trigger my shame reaction. My shame reaction is a chain of events that leads to me being depressed and full of shame. This is where I idolize people and then become envious and then depressed that I'm not them and then even more depressed because I envy them for such a ludicrous reason.

I am so depressed at this moment, I'm probably going to kill myself soon. Yay. I've been saying that to myself many many times in the past week. I've been imagining how to do it. Where to do it. Wondering how long it would take for someone to find my lifeless body in my room, my blood running out of my veins and pooling on the grey carpet. I'm not sure I feel so safe anymore on my own. Maybe I need to be committed? Maybe if I need to committed I should just kill myself. At least I wouldn't feel this way anymore. I need to find something to live for.

Fuck.

I'm screwed.

Underground Railroad

So see the thing about Facebook is that people don't really know how to make their profiles unsearchable or invisible when you click on someone they know's "view friend" button. So then all you really need to do is find one sucker who didn't safe guard it and they have reviled the whole network of friends. And there is no exception for the fashion industry. So keenly I've looking through many a model's friend list and was surprised at how many SUPER FAMOUS people they know. Like Coco, Ambrose Olson, Will Chalker, Sean O'pry, Freja, Gisele, Tyson Ballou, Daria Werboe Lily Cole, Hedi Silmaine and so many more. But the only one to escape my reach, ironically, is my dear Evandro Soldati. Alas I looked through all the friend lists of all of the other Brazilian models, thinking that they would friend each other, which they do, but Evandro saw fit that he would not.

BUT, there is something weird going on, all of them didn't have an Evandro but they DID have an Elana Soldati. Fake name perhaps? His sister? We will not know any time soon.

Another thing I noticed is that models from my home city don't seems to set their profiles to privet. Strange. maybe they are more down to earth and don't think everyone out there is trying to stalk them.

Another thing I found out is that Matt Loewen has his tongue pierced and he smokes. Yuck. That is such a turn off smoking. But I'd have to say I'd probably still do him if he made the slightest move on me.

Model Friend

So my friend is studying design in University and she has been presented with an assignment where she must create a ten page editorial for a magazine and she must be able to tell a narrative with the pictures. She must pick an interesting model. Naturally she asks me and I , in a cloud of vanity, accept.


I guess a little back story is needed here. I've known this girl for 7 years. We became really good friends in grade 8. One day in grade 10 we are having art class together and I start to realise that all she is doing is repeating all my old jokes to me or that that whole time I'm the one talking and making all the jokes. And when she tries to add onto my joke (and fails) I just mentally ignore what she's just said and think about my own joke and keep laughing. She has no opinion on anything or anything interesting to say at all in general. I don't know how she has any friends. Maybe it's just because she's a push over and you can make her go along with anything you say and she will agree and say you are super great.

It was quite disappointing working with her. I don't know what I expected, I already knew she sucked at art and design but I thought that maybe she'd have learned something from school by now. I was wrong. She had no vision of what she wanted to do. I basically did the whole project for her. If I could have taken the pictures and modeled at the same time, I would have because working with her was frustrating beyond belief. I wanted to let her take control but she really just couldn't, so I just trampled her and dragged her around down town telling her to take pictures of me in places I've chosen. After every few poses I say, "Show me." and she obediently comes to me and shows me the shot. I have to do this because she has no idea on how to direct a model. Where my eyes should be looking , what my hands are doing, what kind of expression I should have on my face. I also give her the whole concept of the editorial and choose the clothing.

Surprisingly we (I actually mean me) are able to get some good shots. I'm pretty eager to see the final project and see what kind of grade she gets. Even if he layout is crap my pictures and their composition are good. So it's all up to her.

In total we had to have 3 separate shoots to get all the shots she needed. I'm pretty tired of her boring ass company. And she owes me money.

Monsanto Bring Me A Dream (opps you just did)

I think I've just found like the greatest present ever. Someone needs to buy me this, or I'm just going to have to buy it myself.














Yes it's like a dream come true. You can have for the very cheap price of $12.30 and $23.65( SH not included) get your very own Monsanto Corporation baseball T or cozy hoodie.

Check out the other garments they have for sale : http://www.monsantostore.americanid.com/ProductList.aspx?did=1845

It's like the best thing I've ever seen. It's like walking around with a shirt that says you work for the devil. The only thing that would be better than this is a Pfizer clothing line. Oh sweet Krishna if anybody knows where to find one I would gladly blow you.

ONE THOUSAND!!

I have finally reached 1 thousand hits on my blog, I'm pretty sure that about half of them are mine.