Monday, June 23, 2008

We can rebuild him, but do we have the will?

Today at the gym there was a guy there and he was so tall and statue like, judging by how his clothes hung to his body he has a nice one, sigh, huge white guy and I was so jealous and then another white guy came along and was really good looking too. I looked at them and was like "pshh who do you think you are" while mentally forcing myself not to look at them because I really wanted to just stare at them.

At the gym I always look like I despise everyone, that I'm too good for the gym only because I obviously feel insecure. And it's cliche but I only hate everyone because I don't like myself. *sad face*

So to make myself like myself, I'm going back on my diet, Getting invisalign, and contacts. My diet excludes rice, wheat, potato, and refined sugar.

Today I forgot my water bottle. I felt so lost. with out it. Especially a the gym, I had to be one of those losers who don't bring a bottle and have to walk to the fountain every set. Lame.

I keep a log of what exercises I do and what weight I use so that I can see my progress but then I put it into my palm pilot. I think that I should switch to a notebook because I always feel scared that I'm gonna drop something on it and also in a note book it's a lot bigger and easier to see it all at once. On my palm pilot you don't really have excell programs.

Homometer

Later in the week there is a guy in my Biology class that I strongly suspect that is gay. In my tutorial class he was talking to some girls and one of the asked him if he had a girlfriend. He said in his faggy voice "I don't swing that way" I instantly thought, "No shit fudge packer!". And the girl responded with "Really omg I had no idea!" then he said, "Yeah no one ever thinks I am-sp.". Yeah, maybe not to your gay face they don't. "The first time I laid eyes on him I thought "Psshh who are you trying to kid homo." And then when I asked him something and I first heard his voice I was like "Yep you smoke pole."

A lot of times I can pick out the queers from the steers. I think most queer people can say this.

There is this show called "Gay, Straight, Or Taken" and there are three guys and one girl and she has to figure out which one is which. If she picks the single straight guy she wins a trip with him. Like nine times out of ten I got it right and I picked them out from the very start. I think there are subtle mannerisms and accents that gay people can detect which makes it so easy for us to pick out others. I guess having had to hide for so many years you can tell when someone else is hiding something, especially hiding queerness.

Seeing that I can so easily pick out gay people, I wonder how obvious I am. I think jury is out on weather I act gay or not. Though there are times where I definitely am obvious but when I put it on people can't tell. Once I participated in a event called "Guess the Straight Person" where there is a panel of participants and the crowd gets to ask the whole panel questions. Then at the end of the questioning period they vote on your sexuality. It's suppose to break down stereotypes. When they voted on me they voted 12 gay and 11 straight and 2 bi. Clearly I polarize people.

Caprica

So this past Monday I worked on a TV show called Caprica. It's a pilot episode for a Battle Star Glactica spin off. It's a prequel where they show you how the first Cylon came about. I had to pretend to be one of the private school kids in the background attending Athena Academy. I meant to take a picture of my costume but I never got the chance to steal away to the wash room to take a picture. Surprisingly when I wore the uniform, I looked like a private school kid, I mean I really looked like I belonged in private school. I was wearing a pea coat, black sweater, white dress shirt, charcoal pants, black dress shoes and a maroon tie. All of this in the hot sun no less. I hope the costume department launders their clothes because I was sweaty.

So there was this guy there (lets call him Gayface) and he is from the same extra agency as I am so I see him on a bunch of my extra jobs. And Gayface is really gay. I have no problem with fem guys or anything, often I sometimes act very feminine, what I do find annoying is that it seems like that is his whole personality is being gay. And he gets so much attention for it and I hear over and over again "Omg he is so funny". He is not. He just says the most obvious gay things. It amounts to 'Blah blah blah and that's coming from a guy who likes guys" or " Blah Blah something a girl would say blah blah it's cause I'm gay ahahah". So dumb. I'm not sure why I find it annoying, I think maybe it's because I find it childish. Childish in the way that he hasn't matured past the point where everything is about him being gay. Or maybe it's just because I want some attention too, and that I know that I could say the same things to get that attention but I don't want to get it that way. Yes I'm bitter. Just like the 85% chocolate I had today which was very tasty.

Oh and then later he said he was dating a model and that instantly got my attention. Big surprise. And I ask him what his boyfriend's name was and what agency he is with. Gayface says that the best thing about the guy he's dating is his really hot body. Now I don't want to judge anyone, but I always do in the end(I mean how can you not?), but Gayface isn't that good looking I would say average at best and he has some early male pattern baldness going on. (And side note on hair loss, if you are starting to lose your hair just start using rogain or propecia, there is no shame it in. You have no control over your hair, just do it and save what you have left. It's better than just letting it all fall out.) So I'm thinking that his boyfriend couldn't be a muscley model like Evandro or Chad White. So he must be one of those skinny models. So naturally when I get home I go on to his agency website. His agency does what a bunch of there agencies do which is requires you to register with them before they allow you to look at the models. The agency is also based in LA so I google LA hair salon and take all the information I need from there and register them instead of trying to just make up all the information. The only thing I change is the email address, which I obviously change to mine so that I get the conformation email. At the same time I facebook stalk the guy. Basically I'm right. He's a skinny model, and not a very interesting one at that.

And what does all of this accomplish in the end you ask? In some sick way I feel better about myself. I'm not sure why though.

Friday, June 20, 2008

AWwww shizzle I missed out on my 666 visitor :(

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

june 22

My friend of 7 years came over today, it was pretty great day we had, We ate grapes, toast with butter and honey, durian, durian seeds. And then we finally super cooled water and watched it turn to ice. Well I did, she left before I could do it properly.

People always find out that I can draw and then ask me to draw things for them, it's annoying. but flattering at the some time too.

Friday, June 13, 2008

christ I'm sore all over, and seriously thinking about not handing in my stupid math hwk that is probably worth about 1 percent.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Potpourri 2

My birthday turned out better than I expected. It was slow at the start because not everyone arrived promptly. There were odd silences and I felt like I was responsible for everyones lack of enjoyment. But after critical mass was achieved, fission commenced and there was a good murmer that filled the room. After food was eaten, we proceeded to play pictionary. The rules of our game was that each team would make the clue for the other team and that you had two minutes. This led to ridiculously hard clues, and clues that were in jokes at my expense.

Unrelated to my birthday someone added me on facebook from france. I took a look at there friends list and to my surprise was that it was populated with numerous well known male models. Not something lame like guys who sometimes get work as models but like well known campaign kings. The likes of Blaine, Sean O Pry, Tyson Ballou, Mathias Laursiden, and Chad White. Simply ridiculous. What it appears to be is some kind of ring of people who like to make fake model profiles and then add them to their friends so they feel cool. Weird. I sorta want to do that.

I've just recently watched the film, "Bee Movie". The basic premise is that there are bees and all bees can talk and one day a bee breaks the rule and talks to a human. So lets get right into why this film is abhorable and needs to be stricken from history. First of all it's Disney so we already know something about it is evil. So here we have a film that takes a matriarchal society and subverts it and makes all the bees that go out of the hive to search for nectar male when in reality all bees should be female and only about 1-3 should be male in a whole hive. The only time you see a female bee is when they are portrayed as secretaries, you don't even get to see the Queen, she only gets one mention and it was in passing. All the male nectar collecting bees are macho and tough and when they come back covered in pollen all the female bees go wild over it. And when they go out to collect nectar they do not eat it like real bees do, they have guns that shoot out multiple tentacles penetrating multiple flowers (read vagina). Tentacle hentia anyone? Then the male lead character has blue eyes compared to the dark eyes of all the 'bad' people. Also the the main character is so emmm virtuous and sexy he is able to seduce a female human. So then about a third of the way into the movie the main character finds out that bees are used to make honey for humans and the results in the bee suing the human race. The bees win and get all their honey back. Clearly only bees (a tiny organism) can talk and not the many animals higher up in complexity that we kill everyday and eat. And what does that say? Don't kill things that can talk, and things that can't talk are just meant to be killed? So then the bees having all the honey back just sit around doing nothing because they have no need to make honey or to look for nectar. What happens is that no pollination happens, clearly because bees are (NOT) the only pollinators ever. Because no pollination happens every single plant in the city starts to die. If you didn't know pollen is (NOT) an essential nutrient for plants to live and with out it they just wither and die instantly.
So this is why, Bee Movie should be destroyed. Because it just lies to children and gives them skewed morals. Did I mention all of the lying and sexism? Well it's horrible.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Today is my Birthday and yet again I let my asshole brother get me down. Not this time, not again. If he wants to be a jerk, he can just not be apart of my life. He can just go fuck himself. I'm not only angry at him, but also myself because I let him get to me and I don't fight back, I just become meek. I hate when people become meek when they should get fuccking furious. Today I'm going to choose to be furious.

In no subtle way he asks if my friends are going to steal from us. Delightful. Christ he's an douche.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

I am starting to wonder if this blog is a good idea anymore, I think that maybe I should just not write here any more. I feel to vulnerable. I say too much. Maybe I'll just keep a private blog that no on can see.

inspiration

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

LP fans!

I think I've mentioned this before, well I know I have, but reading all the comments telling London Preppy that he's so great makes me nauseated. I know I used to be a big fan of his blog before but now, I think I've just out grown it? I mean that in the most non patronizing way. Except it still is.

If you look carefully at my comments, they never really praise his writing,(anymore? not sure if I did before) they are just.....well........ comments, and sometimes even critical. Spiteful even, except not. I mean I still like the person, from what little he actually reveals, and I'm sure I'd like the REAL him more.


[Oh and if Tim you are reading this, I'm sure you aren't a pervey pedo but an upstanding nice older gentlemen that is harmless and won't hit on me and isn't creepy but just really friendly. :DDD I'm not your type anyways. I'm far too stupid]

ASIDE: Is it just me or is Tim kinda creepy? Because the praise is so frequent and the latest one boarders on creepy man down the street, the one you shouldn't go trick-or-treating at. He's always telling him that his writing is so great and stuff. Oh and come on, you don't know why you keep CUMming back?! And then he said "...following beautiful BOYS home..."! EEEEkkkk, yes I know it's just joking around but still, just say men, or guys at least lolz. Yes yes, I know I'm bad person, if you thought otherwise you don't really know me. But honestly I only say that because he's older. When in reality and looking at it objectively it's creepy when ANYONE does it no matter what age. (well if its unwanted, if it's wanted then it's just titillating)

And yes I know I comment a lot on London Preppy's blog too and that's just because I'm needy and want some of his attention. It's almost like he withholds interaction and then when you get some you are all over that shit like flies on a turd. Is this creepy? Yes! Normal...mmmm maybe. But yeah, too much hype for my blood. I guess knowing you have a problem is the first step.

edit: Wow I like how when I come back and read this I cringe! It's really quite uncensored and off the cuff.

Stud Starch Fails To Stiffen Squat

EDIT: DISCLAIMER- I do not condone anything depicted in the following books, they are pretty much the most reprehensible things I've ever read and I only joke about them because if I didn't joke I'd probably cry.

Stud Starch has invariably turned out to be the turd it's ostensibly is. Even worse so. I've read about a fifth of the book. The gist of what happens is that there are two boys named Bobo (hah!) and Kerry they both have huge dicks and were taught all about sucking by Kerry's perverted pedo father. Then there is a rash of introduction of people who don't matter at all but are presented to you just so that you know that these boys are insatiable butt sluts and will do anything for a huge dick(which everyone has even at the age of 13, wow just gag me now). One of the random players introduced has a foot long dick. Wow, retarded. Not only is this concept retarded so is the owner of the 12 inch appendage, or should I say 'joint' or 'hose' as everyone in the book seems to. Then enter left brothers who fuck around and then a boy who likes to use the local glory hole and some cops he meets there. There are about 10 needless people who are instantly forgettable given to you here. And mind you that all these boys at this point at around 13 years old except for the pedo cops. Then one fateful day a boy using a glory hole gets a hat pin impaled on his 'hose' and is trapped there not being able to take it out. Thankfully Bobo (HAHAH) and Kerry walk in and save him. As revenge one of the boys stakes out the glory hole and wait till he finds who he thinks is the penis puncturer and then with a razor blade cuts the glands of his penis clean off. GREAAT! Then the boys go to Malibu and find a nude beach and then some faggy restaurateurs from France offer them a job only to perv on them. And at the beach they meet a boy who's guardian was the boys fathers lover and now the boys lover. At least this man is only a pedo and not an incestuous pedo like Kerry's dad.

Not only are all the sex scenes described badly and have about as much passion as a full diaper , the sentence structure is unclear at best and everyone is just so magically uninhibited and ready for sex anywhere.

I don't know if I can even finish this book. It has become so repetitive and reprehensible. And it isn't reprehensible in a good way like a book I read called "The Sluts".

The Sluts is a masterpiece ( not really, but once you start you'll find it hard to put down). It's not a lame pulp erotic novel it's a sorta mystery novel. The format of the book is that of a forum thread on an escort website. These posts refer to an escort named Brad. The first few reviews of him are typical but then it starts to turn. The sex is more and more rough and extreme. First fisting, punching, light cutting, heavy cutting, beating him to a blood pulp, breaking bones, stabbing him and then fucking the wound, amputating limbs, castration, and finally death. (there is one point where the john puts his hand into Brads mouth and pressed down until his jaw breaks. Wow, great huh?) You would think all this graphic abuse and mutilation would turn you away from this book and make you put it down instantly but instead it makes you keep reading because you don't want it to be true and you want to read till the end because you can't just leave it at that and you want to see it resolved and you hold out hope for a happy ending. Also all of these reviews don't quite match up to each other so there is some mystery there who's lying, who's telling the truth. I won't spoil the ending for you, you'll just have to read this book. It's quite gripping (and SHORT thankfully, god could you imagine 300 pages of that bs?!)

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Well, I complete wasted today. I just milled about, I didn't even clean my room. But I am thinking of reading this book called Stud Starch. The back cover says this:

"Bobo and Kerry discover a nude beach in Malibu where the actions is as good as the exhibition. On the isolated beach, they find themselves horsing around withe the sensuous studs who are ready to make love at the drop of a towel. When Kerry gets a job at the each, both boys enter a carnal world of promiscuous sex. The climax leaves them- and you-ready for more!!"


Pretty great huh? For my party this weekend, I'm unsure about what to do for entertainment. Board games/charades? Maybe I could have a quiz where the topic of all the questions is me and the winner gets a prize.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Second Hand Is The New Black!

I guess this is the first installment. After I discovered shopping in second hand stores it's almost impossible for me to go back to retail shopping. I just look at t shirts and think "YOU WANT ME TO PAY WHAT?! I can buy 5 shirts for that!" If you look really well you can find really cool shirts for 2 dollars Canadian! Isn't that so ridiculous? Here's an example of one good find I bought at a local Value Village.
I could completely see this shirt being priced at $30. Under the robot it says "I'm programed to be awesome"

Here is another example I found in a different secondhand store. A more up scale one in the hierarchy of second hand stores. It's a Ralph Lauren curling sweater ie because you see loads of curlers wear them when they play. And this would probably have gone for about $200 somthing US but I got it for just over $40.


I have many other treasures but I'm not active enough to take pictures of them.




Edit: An unforked version.
I've played ultimate frisbee for the first time on Thursday and I still feel the soreness today in my legs. I guess I forgot how much it sprinting and stopping and starting. I wonder if it'll make my legs bigger. The running that is. I hope it'll give me skinnier legs ie like long distance runners. I don't want puny legs but not honking thunder thighs that I have now. Oh and I think I've about to get a cell phone. My very first one. How grand!