I really haven't moved much from the first day I've been diagnosed. I hope being diagnosed hasn't fucked with my head. I really hope it hasn't. I hope knowing it hasn't made it stronger...
My feelings inform my thoughts and my thoughts form my actions and my actions create feelings. My team of therapists say that I have to change my actions before I can change my thoughts and feelings. It makes sense. Basically 'fake it until you make it'. I should give it a try, but I really hate myself.
I give way to much power to other people. Especially people on the internet. Why do I let their actions affect me so much. Why can't I blame them for being stupid and not myself? I need to stop watching people live their lives and start to live mine again. I used to be productive and have goals I reached. But that was when things were more straight forward.
I hope this team of doctors can help me better this time. I'm hopeful. Hope is irrational but it's the key to surviving depression.
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Liquid hate in text form.
I hate myself for everything I can't be.
I hate myself for everything I can't be.
1 comment:
Maybe you would enjoy life more if you found a way to stop caring about what other people think, or just stop caring about other people that don't really matter to you. Learn not to become attached to shit.
I don't really understand people at all so instead of making my life hard and theirs easy, I kinda had a "fuck everyone that isn't me" attitude. My attitude has actually changed recently now that I realize there are people I actually want to care about not just feel like caring about, like my family or really really close friends.
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