Elementary Memoirs

Preschool: I remember crying. My Mom dropped me off and said that she would stay and sit by the door and that she would watch me go play. So obviously when my back was turned she fucked off. I was like wtf mofo where the hell you done gone biach and then I cried a whole bunch. After I stoped crying and figured out that I had to stay there I was like fine. 'Stupid kids' I thought to myself. The only other thing I remember doing is making a picture in a salad spinner where you spin it and then pour paint in the hole. I remember that I liked doing that a lot and spinning the spinner super fast. I felt all cool and strong cause I could do it really fast. I remeber that I liked my teacher or what ever. Her name was Natasha.

Kindergarten: I don't remember too much about kindergarten. I know that I cried when I got there. Because yet again my Mother said that she was going to stay by the door. This time I knew better and called bullshit on that. So I sat with her and was like ' You aint goin no wheres bitch'. Then she must have been like, 'I have to go now! Let go! Deal with it!' and I was all like sheeeeeiiiiittt. So then after I cried I had to talk to all these kids who I thought were stupid and I was all like. I am better than you. There was this one little boy and for some reason I remember that either I dremnt that I wanted to grab him and put him on the long table and drag him through all the shit on the table. I think he did something mean to me. If you don't know, if you cross me I'll cut you. I can't remember my teacher but some how I have a feeling it was Rosie O'Donnald. ANNNNNYYYY HOOO. Oh and I remember I had to wear a different pair of shoes in the class room than the ones I wore outside. Weird.

First Grade: I think I had a teacher named Mrs. Quan. She was cool I think. I can't remember too much except my best friend was in my class whom I met in Kindergarten. Him and I would always go to each others birthdays till like grade 8.

Second Grade: I had Mrs. Quan again. I was happy cause I liked her. My best friend and only friend went in a different class and I was sad because of that. But I was so weird. It's like I thought that I couldn't hangout with him unless I was in the same class or something. Weird I know. Mmmm at recess I don't remember playing much with the other kids. I remember playing freeze tag, redrover, go stop, and sailormoon. I think I liked to be on my own a lot. I would just play on my own or just walk around the school like 50 times. Oh and also my brother went to the same school. He's 3 years older than me so then I would go seek him out a lot cause I thought I was hot shit and wanted to hang out with the older kids and also cause I was shy and felt good around my brother. I thought I was so much mature and cooler than my peers so I ditched them often. In class I think I was a good kid. I was always quiet. I remember having spelling tests and I would fail so hard. I guess I was late to learn how to read. It was nuts. The teacher was like OH EM GEE learn to spell retard. And then I cried. There was also this girl in my class who was doing like grade 3 math and I was so jealous. On my report cards the teachers would always say that I was really quiet but that they could tell I was really smart. And I think I remember we got some sex education where Mrs.Quan brought out two dolls with nipples and a penis and a vagina. I was like whoa nelly. I think I remember something like she would ask us things about the body parts and she would be like 'what's this here' and I would be like ' ohh ohho ohh me me me, TESTICLES!" and she's like yes. And what is the skin called? "SCROTUM!" lolz. Then she would point to the boobs and I would be like Mamory Glands!. And she's like whoa so good. I don't know why but I just knew a lot about sex and sex parts when I was a kid HAH. Like my first memory is of me waking up and almost like a computer booting up things went through my head. My name is blank, I am 3 years old, I am a boy, sex is penis in vagina, this is my family. And then I climbed on a chair and started to eat dinner with them. OH and then one time some guy came into class to talk to us about bike safety and then at the end he asked. "if you follow all the things I told you to do will you be 100 percent safe?" Everyone said "Yeeeesssssssss" but I was like "NOOOoooooo". I was all like what if you get hit by a car you still gonna get messed up and what if you like are going really fast and the hit a log and then you go flying and then you get impaled on a post! The guy then said "hey who said no?" I was scared being singled out so i didn't raise my hand. Then one kid named ricky raised his hand and the guy was all like yes that's right even if you are being safe that doesn't mean you will be because of other people. I raised my hand but inside my desk and I was like god motherfucking damn it. Cause the guy said ricky was the only one who was right!!! GAHHHh iwas right toooo! God damn. ANd then I ran around saying you heard me say 'no' right right!? AGG i was right too~. OCD MUCH ? :D. I think I knew alot about private parts cause I was allowed to watch all kinds of movies. Just anything and everything. Like there was nothing off limits. Maybe except for porn. R rated movies were common in my house and we as a family would watch it all together and there would be sex scenes and full frontal and boobies but no penis and I was all like, where's the PEEN? HAh gay much. YEah i know :P.


Third Grade: I was in a new teachers class Mrs. Berry I think. She was pretty nice I don't remember too much. She started a knitting club and I wanted to join cause I thought it was really cool to be able to make shit. Little did I know that it was extreamly faggy of me. OH well. hah. But I went like a few times and then gave up I think cause at that time all my motor skills were shit and they would only come after peuberty. But then my teacher got sick, she had cancer and then she lost all her hair and then eventually fucking died. And I remember being like, Oh well and went on with my day. HAH so icy. Then we got a replacement who had brown hair and looked like a witch. And we had to like do these dayly journals where you had to write something, anything and then make a picture and I was always so bad at these things cause I was so OCD and didn't know what to do unless I was told to do it. So then I would sit there for the longest time just thinking about what to write/draw and i was always rushed for time to come up with at least a page where half of it was a drawing and the other part like 30 words. The first time the teacher was all like wtf and I was like, I have writers block wiach step off already. And then after it kept happening all the time she was just like oh he has trouble. But one thing I remember is that I made one journal about barney and how we had to kill him cause he was using rainbow powers on us and then he was too strong and the people were like "retreat!!" and that the teacher brought it up to my parents at parent teacher conference saying it was a really good word. I felt all proud. Oh and there was this one kid Balraj and he liked to kick and hit kids but not in a bully way just in a retard way and then everyone would kick and punch him back it was so weird. And then there was this kid named Jonothan he was fat and spanish and he would talk to me in spanish cause i knew spanish and then he had to sit by the teacher because he would talk to much and then out of nowhere he smashed his forehead against the the corner of the teachers desk and then he was all bleeding. And I was like teacher he's bleeding. And she's like whoa.

Fourth grade: I had a teacher named Mrs. Deio of something like that. She was indian. I don't remember too much but I think we had to do an IQ test thing and I totally rocked that shit and would like do the questions all the way up to like grade 12. At this point I wasn't a very good reader and had low self esteem. I barley read at all and couldn't spell for shit but I think because of the read proficciancy IQ test thing they put me in the advance reading group. HAH I know so funny. I think the reason I knew so many words was because I would watch so much television and not just kid stuff I would watch anything where the language was harder like those R rate movies ( even the shining !)and I would add new words to my vocabulary by seeing how the word was used in context and then just figure out what it meant. Apparently other kids could no do this so then I was put in the challenge group. It was called electric butterflies and it was pretty cool to feel all special like that. I remember that we celebrate dewalli and they brought in these indian deserts and I was all like om nom nom nom on them. Oh and I think at this time I would always go home for lunch because I lived like 10 meters from school so I just went home at lunch with my brother and my bff. We would go ther eat really quick and watch sailormoon and also play bomberman and be late for class lolz.