What Goes On In My Head

Here I will give you a glimpse as best I can into how I think and how distracting it can be and obsessive it can be.

Say I see someone using a pen and they say that they only like to use that kind of pen.

In my head I start to think:" should I use the pen too, where did they get it, what pen am I using, is it better than my pen, do they know something I don't, why is it beter, maybe I should get one, no i have many pens at home, they write so nicely is it cause of the pen, would my notes be better if I used that pen, my notes are ugly, look at how she does her notes, so neat and organized, would I do better in school if I had better notes like that, is she underlining her sub sections, should I do that too maybe with a ruler, maybe I should bring a laptop to school to type instead, it's faster, or should I just write it , it goes into my brain better when I write right, or should I use highlighters to highlight important things, what colour should i use on the subtitles, should i underline the subtitles too, there should be one colour for the main title and another for sub titles and then another for important things, one different colour pen for examples and another for just the notes and nother for graphs, maybe i should get one of those laptops that have a stylus, do i have the money for that, or should i just bring my laptop and then on a separate piece of paper do the drawings and things and the put an annotation in the typed notes to denote which picture goes where, should I not copy everything down verbatum, should i condense it, oh god i donno what to do, if i change my notes should i retroactively change all my notes."


All of that happens and it just cycles in my head thinking about it weighing the pros and cons of it all. And this all gets me very nervous and stressed out.